FEAR

It is difficult to determine how much fear is legitimate and how much is manufactured in our minds when it comes to dealing with a Narcissist. While not a professional therapist with thousands of Narc cases I can lay claim to treating (then again who could make that claim) but having read extensively on the topic, I’m not sure if a number of our fears are warranted.  I believe we make the Narcs out to be bigger than what they are.

Early on, I absorbed that the individual qualified as insane and like any other “crazy” person, a certain amount of fear was warranted because their actions are unpredictable; nonetheless, I believe once you understand Narcissism, Narcs become pretty predictable.

There is a distinction between a Narcissist and a Psychopath. We have two distinctions here: The Psychopath who has the potential to be a cold-blooded killer then the grossly mentally disturbed jerk – that would be the NARC.

Can they both be dangerous? YES!!! Absolutely; however, let’s examine the Narcissist…We know that Narcs have a grandiose sense of self. They believe the sun, moon, earth and stars were created just for them. In fact, they are convinced that if they are unhappy, the sun just doesn’t rise…if it rains, well God is crying FOR them because they’re just too important and special to be bothered with such trivial and inferior activity…We also know that a Narcissist cannot attach himself to anyone emotionally, and does not love anyone or anything other than HIS reflection. We know the Narcissist sees us as objects. We also know the Narcissist does not leave or start devaluing and discarding UNTIL he has a few other secondary sources of supply. This is not only so that our stock value pales so he feels he got the most bang for his buck but also because once he “departs” he pretty much can take you or leave you. He very well could have done that from the start but he found us “entertaining” and “useful.”

When the Narc leaves, our purpose from his perspective has ceased to exist. Narcs know how important supply is for their sustenance, they’re not about to get caught out there without it. Will they come back for a whiff even when with someone else? Well, why wouldn’t they? If you thought you were “King” of the world, wouldn’t you feel “entitled?” It doesn’t mean to the Narcissist we’re special, it doesn’t mean he really loves us, it doesn’t mean he’s confused. It means he’s a predator, he’s self-centered, he believes he’s entitled and if you are gullible enough to bite a second time, he’s not going to be the one to stop you. Or a third time, or a fourth time, or the tenth time.  While this may sound very cold harsh and cruel…I am not certain how legitimate some of the fears are when it comes to the Narcissist as the truth is if the individual is a true NARCISSIST and there is a difference between that and a psychopath – they’re not thinking about you.  Sure, they surface from time to time (for Ego’s sake) and if they get really hard up for supply, I imagine they’d really up the ante with trying to coax you; but otherwise, for a Narcissist it’s “Out of sight,out of mind.” That was even when we were with them – EVEN more so now that it’s over. The exception might be if you beat him at his own game and left him first BEFORE he could gather his supply, then he might be out for revenge, but if you’ve been D&D’d and there is already another woman, don’t think about it…he’s not thinking about you. Work on healing.

Narcissists may like to play games, but again it’s for Ego. When it is said that you will “always” be property of the Narc, that is because if YOU continue to appease his stupidity (professionals would call it pathology), you will quite often get sucked in. The reality is, when you know what he is and know how to effectively tell him to blow off (which is the same insult to him as uncovering the mask) his ego is so fragile, he doesn’t have the cojones (professionals call these testicles) to face you.

So, understand that if you really do think that your partner or ex partner is a Narcissist, unfortunately, he’s not thinking about you.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there seems to be a lot of cognitive dissonance over this.

AGAIN, this is not the same picture for a psychopath and since we rarely know which is which, or what they are it is always wise to err on the side of caution. Nonetheless, I remain convinced for the most part, their “thinking about us” is more in our minds – a secret wish, rather than the reality.

Today we call them Narcissists as do the professionals, in the past they were referred to as “Jive MFers.”

If you believe you’re dealing with what you believe is a narcissist or a psychopath – there are other ways to rid yourself of them.

SEE:  The Gray Rock Method

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2 thoughts on “FEAR

  1. Skylar,
    Please forgive me for the tardiness of my response. I thank you for sharing your insights. I agree so much with what you shared, especially “In the end, when knowledge connects to our gut feelings and becomes wisdom, we don’t need the labels so much anymore, we know evil when we feel it.” It’s so important that many voices come together to validate the experience and I thank you so very much for taking the time and making the effort to contribute. Be blessed.
    Betty

  2. Hi Betty,
    thanks for linking to my site.
    I’ve been perusing your blog and I’m very grateful for the insights you’ve shared and your ability to articulate what it’s like to experience narcissistic abuse. Some of your posts strike so close to my experience, reading them almost brings me to tears.

    This topic, the difference between a narcissist and a psychopath, is one that I’ve thought VERY much about but have never been able to find the words to express. They are both mortally dangerous and I’m not sure how to differentiate the extent of danger, except to say that maybe there is a higher likelihood of dying sooner, with a psychopath, than with a narcissist.

    That said, I was with an extremely murderous psychopath for 25 years before I was targeted for death and had to run. The other day I read about an old man who killed his wife after 46 years of marriage. She had tried to leave many times before and was finally filing for divorce. He picked the lock of her bedroom while she slept and hacked her to death. His defence was, of course, that it was self defense! Other well-known serial killers, like Ted Bundy and Gary Ridgeway, did not kill their spouses and girlfriends. Instead they targeted strangers. Go figure!

    This conundrum is why I can’t posit an opinion on the difference. As you said, it’s very hard to tell WHICH disorder you are dealing with until it’s too late.

    What I can say is this: These labels don’t describe “laws of nature”, they are constructs, created by experts to help us navigate through the muddy waters of the disordered. Initially, in our desperate attempt to understand WTF happened, we cling to any labels we can find. In the end, when knowledge connects to our gut feelings and becomes wisdom, we don’t need the labels so much anymore, we know evil when we feel it.

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