It’s really hard to paint a canvas of my facial expression in words…and since I’m on the free plan on WordPress, I can’t even upload a Fred Flintstone clip for ‘effect’…the one where he turns beet red and steam blows out of his ears…the only reason why I don’t need to solicit help to lift my jaw from the floor is because I have TMJ so I know better than to try that stunt.

In a previous post, I was engaged in a discussion with Author Paula Carrasquillo who authored an article for the Washington Times Community, and also has published a book.  If you haven’t done so already, check her page out (click on her name hyperlinked above).  She represented us well.  In that discussion, I mentioned how even to this day PTSD is misunderstood. I was speaking with the understanding or assumption (and we know about assumptions and what happens when you make them) that there was a general understanding of PTSD.  I also suspect most in my generation ‘connect’ it to the Viet Nam War, although logically it existed before that.  Nonetheless, from as best as I can recollect, the term PTSD seems to have made its way into the mainstream, even if not treated adequately post Viet Nam.  Many came home with very serious mental health conditions.  To this day veterans still complain about the lack of effective treatment programs, spouses are complaining about abuse, and sadly there do not seem to be enough professionals who can handle the volume…it’s only recently that the industry has been open to considering that domestic violence victims can also be at risk for PTSD.

After I made that statement, I would have continued to erroneously believe that we’d make ‘strides’ and advance further even IF at a snails pace. I’d NEVER think it possible we could go backwards.  The changes to the DSM as they stand are a complete and utter farce in my opinion.  They are reminiscent of a ‘RUBRIC‘ system the NYC Public Schools use to make dismal failures look AS IF they’re meeting the standard, leaving plenty of room to get lost in the shuffle.  When I saw the changes to the DSM and the rating scale it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out one of two things or maybe both will happen:

1.  MORE people will fit the label of a particular diagnosis given the vague and general criteria parameters; or,

2.  MORE on the Axis II Cluster B Spectrum will escape the radar. Plenty of them already do, so this is not a favorable change; but, if you’re reading this blog, then you already know why that happens.

NOTE: I am not a mental health professional…

It’s a win-win for the Mental Health industry for sure, the changes are not meant to serve anyone but them, it’s yet another ‘inventory’ control method for strengthening their position as a solid and legitimate ‘medical’ entity.  There was a time when they were considered laughing stocks by some and freaks by others.  One day they got together and decided they needed legitimacy and of course ‘funding’ so they convened and began a series of ‘revisions’ to what we refer to as the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders” (DSM).  Today we cite that ‘work’ chapter and verse for everything we think we know about mental health. (follow me here)…

Now…everyone knows about Freud, and most of us know he liked white powder and I am not referencing talc although I’ve learned it can be just AS toxic…this of course is in keeping with that other guy Bill of A.A. fame from ‘Da Rooms’ who was also a narcissist.  Bill and his boys eventually spun it round enough to create the “powerlessness over the disease” model and on the sidelines they cooked up codependency so they would have a place to smear their shame for the abuse they were inflicting over their spouses.  It worked like a charm because it made addiction a ‘legitimate’ illness and got the wives to be good lil ladies and suck up that blame and shame and spin their wheels trying to undo that character defect known as the enabling disease.  It kept them busy and occupied, so much so that they rarely could keep tabs on their husbands screwing around, drinking and drugging…such diligent devoted wives they were. Today I’m not so sure how well a conversation would go between a “powerless” crack addict explaining his/her powerlessness over his/her obsessional compulsion to raise a crack pipe to their mouth while conversing with a terminal cancer patient but I’m sure somewhere it’s been done…(follow me here)…

Let’s spin back to Freud for a minute…

Freud had a nephew by the name of Edward Bernays…Ed Bernays is the cat chiefly responsible for the manipulation in the media today…his principals as outlined in his work Propaganda is the ‘Bible’ in the media world, it is what those of us who have studied Mass Media Communications and those in the industry use to manipulate the minds of the masses.  Anything that is aired is transmitted or broadcast with an agenda in mind.  Don’t be fooled.  Ed being a ‘good nephew, did a lot to promote his uncle’s work…even though most of us might agree you can’t always rely on musings of ‘philosophers’ while on a coke trip.  Now, Freud had a protege by the name of Jung…Jung wrote a book Libur Novus (New Book) but it’s referred to as Red Book. Within that book is said to be incredible ‘illuminations’ – basically Jung was on a psychotic trip.  Are you still with me?  Do you see a pattern and is any of this ‘disturbing‘ to you? <—-in my best Alex Jones Voice (giggle)

Now, I happen to like Jung, and I can’t find anything that conclusively states he had any issues or better said, addiction to drugs.  He makes one reference comparing his ‘journey or ‘trip’ or his “confrontation with the unconscious,”  to a mescaline experiment.  It’s not clear if he ever did experiment with mescaline.  Although it’s been said that some drugs can cause psychosis even after cessation of usageand he spent time with Freud…

Nonetheless, other than perhaps the world is round and gravity exists which guarantees we won’t fall off the edge even if we really want to sometimes, I cannot fathom much if anything else on this plane is fact.  We might wish to believe something is fact, we may desperately cling to something that helps take the edge off of reality, but the truth is, very little if anything at all is a solid proof, except maybe chemistry, but even then there would be some philosophical argument somewhere about how we know truth is really truth and so rather than go mad, sometimes we have to settle to prevent ourselves from going too deep, lest we end up on a psychotic trip like Jung did…although I must say the journey I experienced following the NPD abuse fiasco was very much like Jung’s the difference is I had my trip in my bedroom and I don’t draw very well, nor do I have any mastery of Latin..

What is the distinction between any of Jung’s musings or my own?…His fame?…That is where I believe many of us fall into the trap…I believe each of us have our own wisdom and clarity we simply have to tap into it…it doesn’t come from the outside…we fear that ‘trip’ – so we look for places to wander which help us avoid it.

I’ve just cited two or if you want to count Bill three examples of indiivduals who have had a great impact on how mental health is adressed today.  Of course there are many others; however, they all build upon theories – nothing is new, improved or changed…simply given new ‘spin’…you know, like what Bernays did.  Is it legitimate?  That is for the individual to decide.

Now, the thing that really pisses me off, is this whole Axis II Cluster B disorder and the harm it causes.  To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable touting that EVERY victim of this form of abuse will be damaged for life, and that EVERY victim will have PTSD although I do believe odds are sadly in our favor; however there are varying degrees of PTSD, and then there is C-PTSD, and a newer classification known as Acute Stress Disorder or ASD. I do believe in self fulfilling prophecies and the power of suggestion although the notion of anything remotely related to “New Age” philosophies also cause me to gag.  I believe in some respects if we repeat something enough eventually we can brainwash ourselves.  The problem for victims however in my view comes back around to the lack of competency those in the mental health profession increasingly demonstrate.  Its a BUSINESS, it’s no longer a legitimate science.

What qualifies my statement?  Take a look around…everyone is looking to escape and more and more normal human behavior is being pathologized. I read somewhere normal human grief over the death of a loved one was about to make it’s way into the DSM as some type of disorder.  These ‘experts’ are out of control!

An article in Alternet entitled: “5 Ways Privatization is Poisioning America” featured a chilling quote by a Roche health care executive: “The free-market capitalism that drives our economy is a doctrine of individuals pursuing profit. Nothing else matters…we are not in the business to save lives, but to make money.”

Where does that leave us?…Sadly, in terms of hope for improvement in the near future, I’m not very optimistic.  While the DSM is being revised, like all medical industries there is government oversight.  Now we have people in power in various capacities who have the ability to make some very important decisions…not only for the sake of our country’s welfare, but also for the continued upholding of human rights and dignity, one of those things obviously being FREEDOM from ABUSE. One such person…Senator Diane Feinstein from California…here is what she had to say about PTSD:

PTSD, which I think is a new phenomenon as a product of the Iraq War“…(sound effect:  CRICKETS)

Senator Feinstein more than likely has GULF WAR SYNDROME confused with PTSD; however, as a patient with CFS and Fibromyalgia, trust me…there is a lot of PTSD surrounding the treatment by doctors for those diseases as well.

BUT WAIT!! The plot thickens, we have a two for one here!  The comment was tied to a discussion about gun control and basically in layman’s terms, whether or not crazy people should have access to them…and guess what…PTSD in her estimation is one of those conditions where it might not be the best thing to hand approval over to own a handgun.  Quite conveniently, within the same buzz feed time schedule, we also learned about a woman, a  Carolyn Piska who walked up to her boss and shot him…according to the article ” (her) behavior changed drastically after her dog  was killed during a break-in at her home in July. After that incident, her nephew shared she was terrified to return home and slept at the homes of friends and in her vehicle.  Piksa had recently been on disability and was being treated for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

With an eye towards spin and manipulation, I can see where this is going and I think now that I’ve set up the ‘trail’ most can follow; however, I have shared that this NPD thing can be a pretty tricky thing to handle.  There are many layers and many angles.  I have just demonstrated an incident where a ‘victim’ suffering from PTSD just committed a heinous act.  A ‘victim‘ murdered someone.  I have shared how sometimes in the flux of recovery, victims can also become abusers.  It is not with intention, it comes WITH the trauma, and it is a process sorting things out.  I have shared that for me, the journey was psychological, educational, spiritual and creative.  Those four things were the core of my recovery and I read and I wrote till my fingers were cramped, sometimes all day and all night, and I purged.

It is not enough to lean on a support forum and vent day in and day out, nor is a 45 minute a week session going to get you through.  The prospects of recovery are better if you have someone competent; however, the risk of being harmed is equally great if you are in the hands of a therapist that does not ‘get it’.  Look at the history of the mental health profession and tell me how far you think they’ve come.  The work has to be done on self and of the victim’s own volition.  Citing chapter and verse what ‘Betty’ or “Jane” or anyone else said on their blog is NOT ENOUGH…each victim should of their own volition learn as much as they can to the extent that they UNDERSTAND it, then GET OFF of the studying of it, unless they plan to embark in some type of counseling where a more in depth knowledge is required.  Instead of reading about THEM, begin to seek ways to learn more about YOU.

I stated in my discussion yesterday that in my opinion more research should be done on the other disorders within the Axis II Cluster B spectrum.  Doing so only makes sense. How can a therapist effectively treat a victim with such a sketchy understanding?  Moreover, given the slop shod manner in which the mental health industry has conducted itself thus far, I’m not so sure if it is ethical to write the “Disordered Ones” off just yet.  Science is always evolving.  Nonetheless, UNTIL they step up their game, my advice will be the same…stay away from pathologicals…but if you’re having a hard time disengaging from it and the anger is lingering…FROM A DISTANCE try to find some place for compassion.  They did not ask to be afflicted either.  That is not to support or defend them, but to once again demonstrate how that ‘mirror’ thing works…for a time we become them and being them is not shed until we can say we have completely released them from our psyche.

With NPD, while I will reiterate I don’t believe anything is ‘FACT’ I will say that the hypothesis is that NPD develops one or two ways…a false ego as a defense mechanism developed in the early years from abuse, or an opposite but equally abusive situation, over indulgence…either way at one point, these monsters were born ‘normal’ and it seems enviroment destroyed them.  While they cannot attach, show love, lack remorse and empathy.  While I encourage a newbie to let it rip…those further along should not still be in the same place.  If you are, it’s definitely a sign that more steps need to be taken in terms of finding a competent mental health professional.  The sooner the better as with PTSD, the sooner the intervention, the greater prospects it can be managed and a victim can learn tools for coping.  If you need help or a pointer on finding a therapist, in the tabs section of this blog under “RESOURCES” there is information on how to go about finding one. Not all are created equal, it is a ‘process.

See Also:  Mad in America, We Need Drugs

NOTE:  Supporting my statements above on the history of the mental health field and their being viewed as laughing stocks the following was excerpted from “History of Psychiatry”

“Since psychiatry was a dead field in which no one really believed in, something had to be done to try to revive this failing specialty. Doctors and researchers began talking about mental illness in more biological terms. They also began to think more in terms of heredity and genetics in playing a role in the development of mental illness.  This meant the asylum played less a role in the research of mental illness than did the University laboratories. Studies began on the central nervous system and the brain itself.   Students took their knives in hand and began to cut slices of brains at post mortem in a frenzy of activity. One physician states: “patients with so-called mental illnesses are really individuals with illnesses of the nerves and brain.” Thus, mental illness became more and more “medicalized” in order to show that it stemmed from lesions on the brain and nervous system rather than the indulgence in “unclean living” or excessive passions and stress or the hocus pocus of the demons and their possessions…” [Read More]

Explanatory “ENDNOTE

This article by no means is a ‘slam’ to the many addicts who struggle with addiction – again yet another area that should be open to true exploration, so that there are a diversified number of options for those struggling. I have never personally had a problem with addiction; however, I have come to know many who have struggled and take it ‘one day at a time‘ I have to believe their words when they share that is their struggle.

Additionally, many are self-medicating pain and/or trauma and oftentimes, have so many issues to deal with, without competent help, it is a case where peer support is not enough; but it is all THEY have…even if some of the messages are in some contexts manipulative, brainwashing and self defeating…nonetheless, since this is a blog about abuse, and pathological behavior, and pathology is everywhere, and many ‘addicts’ have also been victims of pathologicals in and out of the rooms, and given ‘codependency’ a term straight out of those rooms is something attached to ‘victims’ of abuse in some misinformed circles, and while I can’t prove there is NO such thing as a codependent, (anything is possible)…while some may feel the need to temper their writing for equally legitimate reasons, where I feel I am led is to help ‘provoke’ thought about some of the many ways our society as a whole has been manipulated and hence I suspect WHY we continue to see a rise in disorder.

I don’t believe there are mysteries, I believe evolving is a never-ending process, and just as I share, I also learn from others; however, the advantage I have over some peer supporters may be my study of media, and it is very much a field of manipulation, and it is powerful, and it molds minds, as do other ‘sales’ techniques which are so prevalent in general day-to-day interactions, yet they go undetected. Once I made the commitment to ‘Narc Raid’ one of the most important things I believed I could contribute to the forum is the exposure of certain ‘illusions’ which may exist. I can’t lay claim to being an authority, but I am a firm believer discussion is always the FIRST STEP…there are no right or wrong answers…


3 thoughts on “PTSD A ‘NEW’ PHENOMENON

  1. Carrie,
    Your post certainly was flowers to my soul. Now in keeping with my ‘philosophy’ NO ONE not even the professionals know the answers, I will say I am completely humoring myself when I offer an ‘answer’ it will be based as best as possible on ‘what we know’…

    You use the term psychopath/narcissist…I am only speaking of Narcissists, not Psychopaths. Psychopaths IF they ever get diagnosed (and don’t think Narcs are standing on line) CAN be
    dual diagnosis or have very high traits of narcissism BUT they are two separate and distinct personality disorders with their own traits EVEN THOUGH quite often those traits overlap. Which is why I explain in some respects EVEN THOUGH the traits overlap, we are doing a disservice to ourselves ADDING all these extra ‘classifications’ that are NOT part of the DSM because IF we want to ‘educate the masses’ and ‘raise awareness’ we have to find some way to get on board and speak the language SO THAT when others are seeking information (as they will) they can ‘connect’ and ‘process’ and we don’t keep seeing OVER AND OVER AND OVER ad nauseum the SAME questions: “I’m confused, what’s the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath?” On.and.On.and.On and each time the answer gets more and more creative and of course someone races to the forefront with GREAT AUTHORITY on the topic and to this day I’m not sure if the mental health professionals know the distinction, therefore I can only go by their most recent creation (the DSM)…not Susan’s over at XYZ forum. (Susan may very well have her own reasons for the spin and it’s the same way snake oil salesmen would tout “new and improved”) – it makes Susan look all knowing and ‘smart’ and ‘special’ and brings her followers…(to be blunt).

    NOW, IF ‘TOM’ over at the PDQ forum admitted to having a personality disorder, and admitted that HE was a Narcissist, I’d have to be very careful going into that den, in fact, I might only just observe and not believe TOM and I were gonna be GREAT BUDS or anything like that but could very well look at TOMS work and take what applies, assuming that TOM has a great ability because of his PD to possibly con me, but understanding Narcissism, he’d probably get off more on being THE Authority if even because that is what his EGO requires…the BEST!…(of course like every other, person personality disordered or not there will be flaws and that’s okay because again, NO ONE KNOWS not even the professionals…

    Now, we can’t dump all of them into the same barrel, stamp them all kinds of labels and wrap them up and say we crown them (whatever mixed label you wish to apply) and this happens a lot and by default, I too due to conflicting information have done the SAME thing but this isn’t a peanut butter cup where two great things go together these are things where it’s important that the audience is given a clear message so they know what to do with it…When you say Psychopath/Narcissist which is it?

    Psychopaths have TRAITS of narcissism, that does not make them NARCISSISTS. From a victim’s standpoint fair point to say They ALL SUCK! They’re all CRAZY as Bedbugs! yada, yada, yada…but to the best of my knowledge we can’t ARGUE that NARCISSIST’s can’t be helped. I can’t argue that they can, but you can’t argue that they can’t…and WE can’t debate this because the LICENSED mental health experts and scientists to the best of my knowledge have not studied it in depth enough for either one of us to be able to back up the ‘facts’ we think we have…lol! Although yes, a psychopath can be dual diagnosed AND they have pictures of their brains and a picture is enough evidence for me, so maybe you’re off the hook if psychopath is the primary diagnosis, IF you were able to get a diagnosis, and that is the other thing, half of us are really guilty of ‘spin’ because many of us can’t brag we have documents from a mental health professional which state that is what they are, rarely do they go for treatment and diagnosis so many of us are speaking with great authority on speculation…and then again, a good spin master would ask: “Well, even IF you got a diagnosis, what good would it be if we’re arguing that not all of them are worth their weight in salt?” What if there were some way via some micro surgery to actually ‘fix’ the problem? I believe science is as limited as they wish to be although I would not suggest free or low cost lobotomies anytime soon. To clarify on the points you raised born vs. made…what you shared is true for psychopaths; however it is believed that both sociopath (depending upon which camp you’re in) and Narcissists are generally “MADE” not born that way via one of two ways, abuse or over indulging.

    Pure black and white thinking is a typical trait for borderlines. I don’t think any of this is a straight up black and white issue OTHER THAN untreated (which they will be for a very long time) they are DANGEROUS! That we agree on 100 percent…STAY AWAY!! RUN!!! from any of them at this time…but then there are those ‘ethics, morals, values, principals and spiritual matters’…

    I believe in a creator who made it all and even when I’m a Buddhist, or a Theosophist, I believe on this plane we have no clue what it means to truly love unconditionally even if we think we do and I believe man has also found his way to ‘spin’ religion to where people on earth are leaning on mortal’s interpretation rather than trusting our Father gave us the same tools to connect directly without all the interference that comes with human nature, ego and guruism…and yes, personality disorders and psychotic episodes of visions and angels…all of that does not negate there is a ‘source’ out there and plenty of man and women have gone to war to defend and proclaim great love for it…KILLED for it, and here we are today just as ‘disconnected’ many of us…

    As per ‘soul’ I believe it is not my place to judge the ‘offender’s’ soul even though it caused me great pain. I believe perhaps a little more like Gilbert said, staying with soulmates is too painful but they will bring you to your spiritual master. I believe my creator does not make junk everything he’s created has had some purpose. I also believe and can remove myself away enough I am healthy enough TODAY to say I can have compassion from a distance, it isn’t black or white I don’t have to hate, in fact this individual when their soul and brain was very young, long ago, they may not have had a choice, the grownups around him did not know how to parent, and caused this damage. Who am I to put my own behind up on my shoulders and say well, I had a bad life, I don’t go around doing XYZ…that all may be true but then again, I have to also believe each of us are different and unique, I can’t compare myself to you…how I react, respond or feel about something is not going to be exactly the way you do…and this we see even in TRAUMA situations, some people experience TRAUMA, some don’t which is why we cannot speak in absolutes because it takes away our credibility. IF we wish to raise awareness and help others, it is important to get the message and the terminology as accurate as we can, so we don’t look nuts which is what they’d like to label us…hysterical…crazy…and all we need is to be asleep at the wheel saying something that can’t be backed up by a reliable source and we’ve shot ourselves in the foot.

    That is not the same as ‘exploring’ a topic and kicking ideas around, its what the great thinkers, philosophers, scientists and yes, even the mental health experts did and allegedly still do today…and it is how people arrive at innovation and new developments and advancements…

    From the research you’ve done you’ve never found NPD to be reversible you say…and right now today I agree with you 100 percent; however, that does not mean there is no ethical obligation to study it. It is the same way 17 million people with CFS today are told they don’t have any answers and yet a majority of doctors outright deny it exists…people are suffering tremendously, many have committed suicide but simply because the FUNDING wasn’t there to study it, it’s easier to ignore it and make it go away, deny it…throw one’s hands up…call us the freaks…

    AND so, here we are today calling them freaks…

    On the psychopath end Carrie, a picture is all I need to see and yes, I’ve seen the brains of psychopaths, BUT I haven’t seen the brains of narcissists yet…and I know TRAUMA also affects the brain with actual changes, and if I am going to jump up and shout I have PTSD then I have to assume I too have had brain changes and if I’ve had brain changes then that makes me incurable too…But, not sure how much better that makes me pointing fingers calling the kettle black when I too now have a similar affliction…it’s a philosophical musing more than anything…we like to fluff ourselves up – but it’s hard to look in the mirror…it’s human nature…maybe there was something MORE to the ‘attraction’ other than targeting, maybe there was some lesson about SELF that was pre-destined, maybe that thing about soul agreements is true, I don’t know the answers any more than you do.

    The thing is, I don’t know if I can say narcissists were born without a soul, rather than a very young soul that isn’t where it needs to be in order to evolve to the next level, but just as I am flawed, he is also and his soul journey has taken him to a different place, and that is okay because my Father has asked me to master LOVE and it doesn’t mean I have to be in someone’s face to do that…I can simply love life, connecting with others and I can hold no malice in my heart, and I can let my Father handle it, which is what he has said we are to allow him to do.

    My control issues were my issues…I learned many lessons…I am thankful…I do not hate him, I do not have a relationship with him, but he is released. For a newbie their perspective is different, but we were not meant to occupy this plane with the level of toil and upset we’re being exposed to, and if once we’re over the initial shock we view this with a very wide lens, it’s almost like a whole other world a whole other dimension opens up. I am not talking trash when I say, that Jung’s experience VERY MUCH resonated with me…

  2. Carrie,
    Please do not EVER apologize for your opinion and I don’t even think there is a 1% we don’t meet on…you raised incredible thought provoking points and I love discussion! Many of the points you raised I have gone up and down on so bring it on! I would like to answer in further detail but because of the length of your post (and I truly thank you so much because I really love a good discussion) I have to cut and paste and print it because I want to make sure to address your points.

  3. Betty, This is a very good article and I agree on 99% of it but in my opinion (and I have no formal education on the topic only my own experiences after 10 years with a psychopath/narcissist and research that I have done in my quest for answers to “What the hell happened to me”) I believe narcissists/psychopaths are born disabled. Just like a baby can be born without eye sight, missing a limb or deaf; a N is born with out a soul and will never feel guilt, compassion or remorse.

    Through research etc they have invented ways to help people born with disabilities through prosthesis and surgery; thus for there has been no way to give an N a soul and no yellow brick road that leads to a wizard who can give him one.

    The reason I believe they are born this way is because not all people with this disorder had a traumatic upbringing yet it doesn’t seem to matter what they upbringing was like they all have almost exactly the some traits and behaviour.

    often we hear of a family where there are several children all raised by the same two parents in the same home yet one of them, no matter what the parents did was born trouble. The other children all go on to be normal members of society but the one sibling continues on a course of leaving destruction every where they go. I think upbringing does factor in and that with the right upbringing the N will learn the skills necessary to function in mainstream society. They are probably the scariest of all because they have learned to hide their true selves. The ones raised in abusive homes wouldn’t have been taught how “normal” people live and would have a harder time fitting in.

    My ex was raised in a very loving, yet strict home where they tried to accommodate his special needs, from what I’ve heard from all involved in his life, he was trouble from the day he was born almost. Always in trouble with the law, lying, drugs, alcohol, petty crime, yet highly intelligent.

    I know of another N who was raised in an extremely abusive home where he was beaten on a regular basis, he has had more incidents with the police and is a little more rough around the edges but the behaviour is almost identical to the one who was raised in a loving home.

    Yet, you can find many examples of people raised in horrific circumstances who go on to lead productive normal lives and maintain loving relationships.

    In my mind it only makes sense that if a person is the way they are because of some traumatic event, then through counselling and/or meds the damage should be reversible. From the research I’d done there is no evidence showing narcissism has ever successfully been reversed. If a person has a soul, no matter what happens they will always have a soul and experience guilt, and empathy to some degree even if they try to shut off their feelings. But if a person in born without a soul they will never feel as normal people do and there is no hope of recovery or lasting change.

    There could be change if they wanted to change because they could learn right from wrong even if they don’t feel it they could fake it; IF they thought there was a need for change. (but they don’t because they don’t care about anyone but themselves and their immediate gratification.) A person born blind can learn brail, they can build a prosthesis limb for a child born without arms or legs, but there is no help for a child born without a soul. That is sad, but for me it is easier to walk away knowing that there is no hope of change.

    In my situation I believed I could “fix” my ex, I had read that narcissism was caused by some catAstrophic event in the persons past and they put up this defense. There is always the danger then of thinking if you love them well enough, prove you won’t leave them or hurt them some day they will miraculously see the light and appreciate your efforts. I have heard it said many times and I had the same train of thought, “he’s really just afraid of being hurt again, he is pushing me away before I hurt him, I can’t desert him now”. They are so good at “showing their sweet loving side” at just the right moment so as to keep their victim off balance and believing there really is a sweet hurt little boy deep inside that women stay for decades. But I have not heard of one case where a woman was able to love a narcissist enough that change occurred. You would think that if an N ever had a soul someone, at some time would have been able to heal a narcissists soul; but I certainly have not found any evidence of it occurring.

    Thank you for letting me voice my opinion; and that is exactly what it is, MY opinion.

    I enjoy your blog very much, as I do Paula’s, and I believe we all have the same goal in mind with each of or blogs and that is to help those who find themselves involved with someone with this disorder, heal and go on to live a life worth living.

    My goal is to prove to every victim, every narcissist, and myself that it is possible to survive and thrive after a relationship with a narcissist.

    hugs and much love to you and your readers.

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