What Crazymade Looks Like

Paula Carasquillo, creator of the blog Paula’s Pontifications which deals primarily with sociopaths wrote a blog which led me to discovering a video which allegedly has gone viral. Under normal circumstances generally I ‘Re-blog’ however, the particular posting which discusses this video on Paula’s blog is engaged in another discussion which I feel is off topic for the particular point I wish to make; however, I do wish to give her credit for at least providing a lead on this video. The hyperlink above will direct you to her blog.

The video may be difficult to witness, viewer discretion is advised:

For those of you who can’t see it…let me break it down for you…he’s FUCKING with her head…

FIRST…we don’t know what buttons he pushed because he only started recording once she began to ‘react’. It is clear he has been gaslighting her and doling out intermittent reinforcement. He knows this script, he knew exactly how she would react and he banked on it. This is probably a pattern for him. More than likely she hasn’t always melted down like this or else we’d have to question did he not know she was ‘crazy’ before he married her as he alleges to begin with? Sources report they have only been married since 2012. If I had a dollar for every time a victim has entered ‘the rooms’ with the words: “He called me crazy” or “He said his ex was crazy” I’d be a millionaire.

The video above is a prime example of the end results of AMBIENT abuse. It’s covert abuse and it’s oftentimes missed by the average person because there is a lack of awareness in the domestic violence community. Oftentimes victims are misdiagnosed when in fact they are in trauma and their minds have been shredded in tatters because the victim cannot identify what has been done to them, sometimes they’ve never been physically harmed and so it is that much harder to articulate or identify what has been done to them. This is often why victims stay in dysfunctional relationships so long. They can’t see it’s dysfunctional and the effect of the abuse has them believing that they really are the crazy ones and sometimes even believe they are the abuser in the relationship. In simple terms, this type of abuse is crazymaking.

The average person might not see the dynamics. Lets go through the script:

The scene opens at what I surmise is the precise moment following the ‘trigger’ or his button pushing.

We hear her in frustration scream: “I do ALL my shit to have a Saturday to hang out with my husband and yet ALLL your shit (unintelligible).”  He responds with: “All I want to do is get my tires rotated”

Now it’s clear this has to have been a longstanding problem between them. Most victims I have dealt with as well as myself have reported Narcissists do nothing but follow their own agenda. They make promises and plans and break them…they leave you waiting, anything and everything that is important to you must wait. Everything is last-minute, chaos, and revolves around them and their self-centered plans. If you want steak for dinner, they take you to a seafood restaurant. If you want to spend a day at the beach, they plan a ‘romantic’ day in the woods in 105 degree weather sans mosquito repellent. This type of activity with a covert abuser goes on constantly and it’s not because they’re dunces, it’s because it’s all about them. Over time, this becomes a challenge. They book all their time and when there is five minutes for some semblance of ‘quality time’ they make sure to book that up too with something that “MUST BE DONE” for THEM. If you dare to protest, you are labeled unreasonable or I dare say they might even project and call YOU selfish. This is what I believe is at work here. I’m gathering her meltdown is not so much because this ONE time she could not go to the lake, but rather they probably discussed this, she’s probably been the one BEGGING for some bonding time and of course he probably ‘Yessed’ her all week. She probably knocked herself out making sure things were done on her end so they could be free and enjoy the day and in true passive aggressive fashion, he never had plans to go to the lake in the first place, he just did not feel she needed to know he was getting his tires changed until SHE was in the car. Are you seeing the pattern here? Over time, this type of behavior gets to you.

She is by her reactions displaying evidence that a pattern of covert abuse by him has more than likely occurred for some time. These types of emotional reactions don’t happen right away, it is triggered via a slow campaign by the abuser. He is pinning it on her, and I suspect for the first time the whole week while they had these plans, he decided while they were allegedly en route to the “lake trip” (which turned into the tire trip she wasn’t advised of), ON THE ROAD for perhaps the FIRST TIME she’s hearing it he asks: “But how do we have enough MONEY to go to the lake?” AS if that is the reason why they are not going to the lake and AS IF by magic somehow TIRES are the new priority.

Affordability for the lake might be a reasonable concern, but not one anyone sane asks about when you are to the best of your knowledge (because it was discussed) en-route on a trip to said lake (that was pre-planned) that instantly turns into a tire rotating trip.  I can imagine there is probably a cooler she packed in there, a lil blanket for the grass, maybe she even splurged on some wine…she probably spent a nice amount of time trying to plan around some quality time, making sure the chores were done, and it means not a thing to him because he’s decided at perhaps mile marker five on the highway ten minutes from the house, they’re going to the tire shop! POOF! Just like that…and of course her ‘anger’ is unreasonable to him because well, he needs TIRES! He needs them NOW! Because…well…it’s about HIM!

So, she brings up the budget. I suspect from this teeny bit of evidence, they’ve probably spoken about the budget and they probably have a lot of issues with the budget, because well, Narcs are really shitty when it comes to the budget and there is never any money unless it’s for THEM. Financial abuse is a very common complaint in these types of relationships and she is probably even more frustrated because she probably made some sacrifice in order for them to enjoy this trip that is now last-minute becoming a trip to the tire place…she gets upset and now needs a smoke and if you’re a smoker you can appreciate how when in the midst of a meltdown you need that smoke (it’s an addiction) and now he’s going to enjoy watching her beg and squirm before he stops off at a store so she can cop some cigs…IF he even does that. The point has nothing to do with whether smoking is bad or not…he knows she smokes and she is an adult. He’s denying her ‘pleasure’ which is subjective, pleasure can be anything but what he’s doing is subtle torture. This is not about arguing whether cigarettes are necessary. Any smoker will tell you when we need a cigarette we need one. When we don’t have one, we crave it the same way a junkie would need a hit of heroin, so right now, in a way she’s being put into further distress. The time to quit smoking is not in the midst of psychological abuse and knowing she is a smoker, and marrying her under those conditions further validates that in fact this is a method by which he is controlling, abusing and torturing her. He is getting pleasure out of it, listen to his condescending tone.

She begins to cry and begs PLEASE…and he continues denying, pushing buttons, and says: “I haven’t done shit” and the average person might think that he hasn’t done anything to cause such an extreme reaction because we don’t see him punch her in the face, kick her, bite her, slap her…what he’s done is much worse, he’s destroyed her mind with intermittent reinforcement, passive aggression, button pushing, gaslighting and other forms of covert hostility and abuse. Her crime? She wanted to spend time with him on the lake.  His response: Humiliate her and post the video on You Tube.

He then twists the story and blames this outburst when he says (her reaction) is “All over a pack of cigarettes?” He knows he’s recording her and he also knows most won’t see what he’s doing and he knows damn well why she’s reacting that way, he thows cigarettes in when she’s upset over the disappointment of perhaps the 1000th time not getting her needs met, which in this case was an afternoon by the lake WITH HIM.  Normal couples share things and do things together, but he’s making her out to be a nutcase for getting upset that it’s not happening, and I’ll go as far as to say by her reactions EVER!  As he baits her, her emotions rise…that is how button pushing works. At no time during this interaction does he show any empathy, consideration, care or concern for what she wanted. He knows why she’s pissed, he doesn’t care and that is probably what has her even more distressed because it is hard when you don’t understand NPD or any of the AXIS II Cluster B disorders how someone who ‘appears’ loving and considerate can be so indifferent, callous, cold and not really give a shit at all about you.  It’s even scarier when you can see they are enjoying watching you squirm because they also get a lil glint in the eye that can be quite unnerving.  This is a perfect example of a Narc watching you drown and eating a cheeseburger. This woman might actually be very lucky they did not make it to the lake.

He engages in more psychological control…He then in NARC SPEAK says: “Now Really? AND you want me to take you to the lake?” Which is translation for: Now You’re punished!

She finally seeks a lifeline…she goes for her phone, some kind of connection…she is reaching out…she can’t articulate what is wrong but she’s showing she has the trait of a survivor, she’s not just sitting there, yes she probably feels crazy but she has that drive to reach out…She’s hysterical…I NEVER GET MY WAY!!! I NEVER GET MY WAY!!! I JUST WANT ONE DAY!!!! She has probably been emotionally neglected by him for a time and the cork has finally popped. Many tout ‘Independence’ but to have expectations of sharing and bonding is actually emotional INTERDEPENDENCE which is crucial in any relationship.  Many confuse the term co-dependence.  Personally I think it’s bullshit healthy people bond.  If we’re going the route of complete independence then why the hell seek a companion…do YOU!  Those who elect to engage in a relationship do so with the understanding that there has to be some kind of give and take, otherwise it’s called being roomates and the upside to being a roomate is you don’t have to screw them.  That is the distinction in case anyone is wondering.  You can be rejected but for so many times before you snap.

Someone reading this might ask: Well why doesn’t she just leave!? It might look really stupid to the average viewer, she might appear to be over reacting; however, the problem is she’s been brainwashed already and she cannot see what he’s doing. The intermittent reinforcement screws up the radar and so an abuser trains a victim to keep waiting. It’s like Pavlov and the dogs.  It’s conditioning.  They dole out a little here a little there and in good times you think maybe you are being too demanding, they give you just enough to think they are trying and so you begin to have hope again, then they drop you but you get trained to wait for the good times to come around again…and you buy their excuses for why they can’t meet you half way…because there is always some drama or chaos or pressing reason why they can’t but they make sure to tell you how much they love you and need you even though every day you are dying a little death…and you really believe them because they don’t seem blatantly cruel. It’s like chinese emotional water torture, it’s doled out in drops – the hemorrhage comes slowly…

She finally screams: “Goddamn! Why can’t you just do it for me? Why is it so hard???” and he’s Mr. Smooth and unmoved by her distress. HIS reaction is the one that is ABNORMAL…he’s enjoying it. To gain pleasure in another’s suffering is a key trait of pathological behavior. He continues to bait her…and drive her completely insane just by pushing her buttons…

She then tells him: “I’m having an anxiety attack”…he replies…”It’s not my fault” (projecting blame)…he knows damn well what he’s doing and he’s taping it too because these types of abusers know exactly how to play the game and come off smelling like a rose. For the camera he ‘confirms’ for his audience…”I haven’t done anything Whitney.” He minimizes her anguish and distorts the picture and suggests “This is all because I gotta get shit done to my truck.” (First he blamed her reaction on cigarettes and now it’s his truck – not once did he even care to register the issue was the lake even though she’s in tears over the LAKE!). When she counters that is not the case, he retorts: “This is my day to get shit done too.” Then projects “You’re acting like an 11 year old that didn’t get the toy from Walmart.” If I’m really good, I suspect that is the age where his disorder started and it might have been triggered by some scene where HE didn’t get the toy from Walmart, but I’ll reserve the right to be wrong on that one small insight. A lot of things can be revealed by what these nut jobs say, you just have to know how to listen and that only comes with educating oneself on how this disorder works. He’s literally laughing at her pain, he’s gaining great pleasure out of it. This is ABUSE.

The video continues and it seems that there are some other maintenance issues with her car and the house, she says something about “I have to get somebody to get the floors done” (or something like that). These types also abuse by neglecting to do things around the home, important things when it comes to maintenance and they let them go. Leaving a home in tatters to where that too becomes a form of abuse when it is in disrepair, especially since for most women a decent home is a woman’s pride.  Perhaps not all men are handy, but then the solution is to make a way, to either pay someone to do it, or figure out how to get it done, but for these types, it’s another level of control, abuse and power…it’s hatred. It’s not love.  They get off on whatever makes their victim MISERABLE.

She shares: “Everybody at work makes comments about you!” and he responds: “When they see this video they’ll understand”

And yes sir, we do understand…You sir are an abuser of the worst kind.  You are officially a viral mascot for pathologicals.

Learn the signs, if you’re here, you’re not crazy…there is help.  Feel free to reach out…or join me on Facebook

Background to this video can also be found at: THE BLAZE

Post Script: In the article featured in The Blaze about this video, it is disclosed that the victim was the recipient of a DUI. That does not negate the fact that she is a victim of abuse and it is quite possible she turned to drinking as a result of the abuse. Finally, let’s play “Devil’s Advocate” let’s say she really is ‘crazy’…she’s obviously in some very obvious distress. Does HIS reaction seem normal even within that context? Does he show ANY empathy?…or does he seem rather entertained?…

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33 thoughts on “What Crazymade Looks Like

  1. These narcs aren’t human, they are two-legged snakes & really, really need to be held to public shame & their masks ripped off so that everyone sees their reptilian features. They are soul-murderers. Perhaps the woman in the video isn’t perfect – well who is? Oh yeah, there was one perfect person & we all know what happened to Him – He was nailed to a cross by the walking-reptiles (pharisees and such) of his time.

  2. Pingback: Crazymaking | Vetteljus

  3. Thanks for this inspiration. I wrote a little article about this on my for now private blog (http://vetteljus.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/crazymaking/).

    This guy acts exactly like my brother did to me when I grew up. He totally ruined my selfesteem for many years. Now I’m 51 and totally getting it. My family was not “odd” at all. Many more have families like mine and they are not healthy for empaths or sensitive people. We are food for them.

    Put in a few comments on the video. I thought since this does not trigger me that much any more, someone needs to tell those kids making comments it’s not what they think. Girls feeling “sorry” for him made me sick. They are all potential victims for guys like this. Their empathy is candy.

  4. I avoided watching this video for quite awhile. I just didn’t feel ready to “re-experience” what I knew would be horrible abuse. I finally watched it and, yup….it was awful. That “man” (he’s not really human) made my skin crawl… I hate him for what he is doing to his wife…and what he is doing to the general public. Displaying his evil and having us believe he’s a saint. It turns my stomach.

    What was even worse, I looked up the original post on youtube. All of the comments I saw were laughing, joking, mocking the woman…calling her “crazy” and complimenting that CREATURE for his tolerance of her!! REALLY??? It made me sick. No one…. NO ONE had the brains to see through that A**Holes trickery. I had to turn away. Too painful right now. I am praying for that poor woman. GET OUT PLEASE! I didn’t have enough courage (yet) to put MY 2 cents worth on youtube. Not quite ready for the backlash and mockery that would surely follow. God help us all….

    • Hoozonfirst, You are a brave one. I have NOT watched the video. I feel it has played in my mind a milliion times. The creature… the creature. You said everything so well. God help us.

  5. Thank you for showing the true side of this video. I actually video taped some of my conversations with my husband when I could feel things escalate just because I was scared of his rage and no one seemed to believe me. When I went back and watched them I was mortified to see the same behaviors that this monster displayed. Although I’m experienced to know how to remain calm I was flabbergasted how my husband kept gas lighting and patronizing me until I was in tears. This video was painful to watch because I suddenly realized how much I have been abused over the years.

  6. Wow. You’ve done an excellent job on deconstructing a narc attack. Thank you for writing this. It’s so important to raise awareness, to show people that things aren’t always the way they seem.

    P.S. I got here from your post on the NY Daily News.

  7. Just looking at that makes my stomach turn…I was gaslighted the EXACT same way by my ex…24 years of marriage to a narcissist with severe passive aggressive methods…when I would finally “Snap” like this woman, then he would call me crazy and tell me things like “If only your family could see you now”. The verbal and emotional abuse was hell on earth…and that man’s demeanor says it all…he is definitely an ABUSER of the worst kind…I pray she gets out…she deserves so much better.

    • I reread your blog…thank you for bringing this out into the light…that man definitely knew her triggers… it’s disgusting how he is just laughing…pure evil. The world really needs more info on domestic violence.

      • Lynn,
        Thank you for sharing your views. I too agree there is a need for awareness. It is my prayer that our youth will be the beneficiaries of all that we’ve learned. That is of course a hope. It starts with a seed. Perhaps with enough unity, someday we will penetrate the ‘walls’ and at minimum raise enough awareness that potential victims will be able to spot the signs before it’s too late.

  8. Betty,
    wow. Yes, I was triggered and couldn’t finish watching it.
    The pain she was displaying with her body, more than her words or screams… made me remember and feel the exact same pain I’ve experienced from my abuser for 25 years.

    Even though it was triggering, thank you for posting this valuable and vivid example of abuse. THIS IS what abuse looks like and it’s exactly why people can’t recognize it. The victim, in an attempt to self-protect, lashes out and ends up looking like the guilty party. But anyone with a heart can see she’s grieving and despairing. She had her heart set on something, it was taken away and she can’t even get any compassion from the man who is her husband. Her feelings are dismissed. When your feelings are dismissed your humanity is dismissed and negated.

    Her melt down is obviously not the result of this one incident. This is the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.

    I hope she, and everyone else who has ever experienced this, sees this video and recognizes covert abuse. THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

    I remember the last melt down I had with my ex-psychopath. I was crumpled on the floor sobbing, begging for compassion and understanding. I don’t even remember what the argument was about. I was wishing that my life would end and I told him, “YOU are the only one who ever makes me feel that life isn’t worth living.” It was at that moment, that I had clarity. I remembered that he told me that his ex-gf had killed herself. I knew that HE was the common element. And I told him.

    During all my weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth, he just sat there. Stone cold, emotionless. But as soon as he saw that I was back in control and clear about what was happening. He stood up and began raging at me. Demanding that I apologize for bringing up his ex-gf’s suicide. At that point, I didn’t even care anymore. I knew he was the problem. So I mouthed an apology. After that I never had another melt down. I just swallowed my pain and my grief for several more years.

    It took almost a decade more before I escaped his abuse. I didn’t know or ever imagine that it was deliberate covert abuse. I couldn’t imagine that anyone would WANT to see someone suffer like that. Now I know that it’s what they feed on, they feed on emotions.

    Thanks so much Betty for posting this video.

    Oh and thanks to the psychopath who took the video for contributing to the cause of exposing covert abuse. He stepped on his own d*ck.

    • Thank you so very much Skylar for taking the time to comment and to validate what was shared here. Our collective voices are what helps so much for victims to see that they’re not crazy. When a few people chime in, it is easy to second guess or question, but when many voices reiterate the same thing over and over it helps victims to see that so many people can’t be crazy. I am so very happy you were able to break fee and I wish you a continued successful healing journey

    • What an awesome response…I couldn’t have said it better…I too only recently learned about covert abuse…I’m still trying to heal from the effects of this kind of battering. When you mentioned gnashing of teeth, that’s exactly what it feels like. I am still in shock that these people feed off other people’s emotions but it’s true…they are literally energy vampires that leave their victim’s exhausted and drained.

  9. I am deeply, deeply disturbed to view this: to know it goes on.

    The man is foul – well, the male (not a man).

    As I said on Carrie’s blog, I would not ever EVER have even treated my son so tauntingly, laughing at his distress, taunting more distress from him – not at age 1, 2, 10, 15 now or ever. Not ever. Disgusting treatment of a human being. She needs to not care about the lake today or ever – not care about him a bit, ever ever ever. He cares not at all for her.

    I feel SICK.

    • Thank you so much for contributing to the discussion WordsFallFromMyEyes. I wish you well in your journey, it truly is sickening and what is even sicker…the sheer number of people who can’t even see this is ABUSE and the cause of her reaction. How he was able to publicly humiliate her in a video that has gone viral, and only a small number right off the bat can spot what is going on…

  10. You are so right on when you discuss this. I watched this and knew exactly what was happening. And somewhere in the faint recess of my mind I heard myself saying, “Don’t fight in the car. Safety rule #1”. Sick. My first ex taught me that way back when I was about 23. Asshole. But I heard myself. I have a very thick denial system about abuse. I know some will understand what I mean. My ex taught me this so many years ago and it still makes me sad that it’s a lesson in my life. Not depressed. A normal sense of loss. Perhaps it’s grief. But I was catching her flags also. I heard her talk about the budget and him never wanting to sit down and do anything about it, how much money she spent for the boat or trip, She was financially invested. The word Never. Stop, I need a cigarette, Why is it so hard? I’m having an anxiety attack, I got everything done to have this day off, He needs to rotate the tires and she’s like what about my car, the house? HIM? Not my problem. Really? All of that has come out of my mouth at some point in time. And how did he respond? Arrogantly. Smugly. He got off on it. He’s the victim? All because She didn’t get Her way? She’s not a child. They made a plan and she revolved her plans around it for the week or two weeks. They went to lunch with another couple who were waiting at the boat for them. They get in the car and he says, I got get my tires rotated, now. Yea, she imploded. Once again this shit was happening and she just couldn’t take it anymore.

    • Exactly Tina…I was able to read this video only because by the grace of God, I was able to get out BEFORE I was brought to that point, but every single thing she said which you also caught was part of his toolkit.

  11. WOW. This is so true. Finally, someone commenting on the abuser. This same thing happened to me…..So glad I read this. I am finally free of my Narc after three years. He pulled this crap on me all the time….I will pray for her. This guy is an abusive jerk. Very painful to even watch. I could have been me. His favorite expression was “What are you 12?” Grow up. You are spoiled, blah, blah, blah..UGH.

    • JM,
      Thank you for taking a moment to leave your comment, as whenever someone takes the time to comment, it helps to confirm I’m not ‘making things up’. So many don’t get what this is. The comments on the VARIOUS platforms where this video has been uploaded makes it so clear there is still a long road on the awareness front. I’m glad you made it out JM…I too am praying for her, that she finds the words, is able to connect and find out what led her to this in the first place. I believe we sometimes have patterns. It’s my biggest hope and prayer if that is the case with her, that she find out the root and dig it out so that she can mend, and heal and NEVER end up with an arsehole like this EVER again. It broke my heart to see this it really did…it was just AS hard to write it…but she deserves some justice as we ALL do…be blessed JM…I too will be praying for all of us…xoxo

  12. Reblogged this on Ladywithatruck's Blog and commented:
    Another post about “that” video, this time by Betty from Narc Raiders. Betty describes in detail what is truly happening in this video and says what I can’t find the words to say because even thinking about it causes such a strong reaction for me. Even reading her post had my heart racing, I had to keep reminding myself to relax because I had a death grip in my phone and my whole body was tense, I wasn’t breathing. But education is imperative to ending abuse, hopefully if we expose this guy to be the abuser he is society will see the abuse that often goes on undetected because the abuser has succeeded in making the victim look crazy.

  13. Betty, I couldn’t finish the video, and even reading your post had me in high anxiety; my body tensed up and I had a death grip on my phone.
    My ex strangled me, knocked me out with a punch to the head, threw all my stuff in a muddy field and hosed it down, destroyed everything dear to me, took my money, sabotaged my vehicles, cheated on me, called me every name in the book; I have heard the stories of hundreds of women who come to my blog and
    NOTHING triggered me like every

    • Sorry accidentally hit send. Nothing triggered me like this video.
      This is a very good post Betty, you said what I can’t find the words to say because I can’t think about it without my mind fracturing.
      Hugs Carrie

      • Carrie,
        I am so very sorry this triggered you, obviously I did not mean to harm anyone going through the journey of recovery and I very much understand the whole “can’t think about it without my mind fracturing” that is the very reason WHY I elected to do this, because our therapists don’t see what is happening, family, friends, co-workers don’t see what is happening…and this serves to further isolate us. I would say early on for me, the LACK OF WORDS the inability to articulate is what made me stand out in the crowd as CRAZY when that so was not the point but I could not explain WHY I was reacting so passionately and so extreme to even the slightest of triggers. The first therapist was a total jerk, so did not get it, so UNskilled till it wasn’t funny…I tried THREE who did not get it, and the pain was incredible. By HIS grace one day it clicked…and as I sat in my room mute for a month…literally mute…I was led, and I found words, and I learned, and I met others LIKE ME who taught me, and held me up and supported me, and we need that…we need to be there for one another, support one another, and help one another…Carrie I hear you are still struggling and I’m very sorry you went through that. I pray you grow stronger everyday, and gain strength, and clarity…but most of all Carrie I wish you serenity and understanding, for it is with understanding that I believe we avoid repetition compulsion if any…

  14. Thanks for reposting this…

    This is exactly the type of inflammatory behavior the two psychopaths I encountered engaged in with me. With the second one, I was fortunate enough to directly witness him use similar tactics with one of my best friends, his fiancee at the time (now wife – unfortunately for her). Seeing how she was suffering and blaming herself for his crappy behavior, and recognizing that the same patterns had been at play between me and him, I walked away from them and have never looked back. I was one of the lucky ones… I’d guess that most people suffering “ambient abuse” don’t get much if any validation that it isn’t them who is disordered, but that it’s the very person who is telling them they are “crazy” or “fragile”. It’s sick, sick behavior.

    I think your analysis is spot on.

    The idiot who recorded the video and posted it is probably also using it to alienate her (as if he’d post it publicly and NOT send the link to mutual friends, family, etc.). He is probably using it to reinforce his control over her, a way of “keeping her in line” by having some “proof” of her outbursts, despite having triggered them himself. Until she sees his behavior for what it is, it is likely she will start to internalize her anger (righteous though it may be), which will in turn probably lead to anxiety and depression – the end result of his crazymaking.

    While the video is potentially triggering, I hope that a lot of victims similarly affected see it, and read the synopses from other abuse survivors who “get it”.

    • Hey Jerkbusters,
      Thanks so much for dropping by…I believe I was led to Paula’s blog via your blog, I’m all confused now but methinks I owe YOU a thank you as well for sharing this video…there is so much activity going on as I maintain a few different blogs, it’s hard to keep track but if you were the one who ‘re-blogged’ Paula’s ‘blog’ then a very big thank you to you as well! You raised an excellent points and I agree with you…on the alienation angle…excellent insight. By the grace of God I read she got away…I feel so very bad for her, I hope she finds help and someone who ‘gets it’….

  15. Thanks for taking the time to spell this out. I knew instinctually this guy was an abuser, but you gave so much detailed information, general and specific…it really put it all in perspective.

    • Thank you for stopping by HopefulSorrow and for your kind words. This video was very disturbing to me, but there were so many who might not ‘get’ what is happening, and some who even thought it was ‘funny’. This poor woman deserves justice in some form and I hope that I not only helped validate those who have been through this but more than anything I hope this spreads out so that those who are UNaware are able to see exactly how ‘stealth’ forms of abuse work…all the best to you!

  16. I heard this on the radio and immediately recognized the horrendous covert abuse this (HIM) monster was inflicting to illicit this response from her. Most would not unless educated to the tactics these type of abusers use. They love getting the reaction and turning the tables. Your way of breaking it down and exposing it is excellent! I dearly hope this woman and others who are going through the same get a chance to read this. Thanks for the great post!

    • Thank you for your kind words Pathofparadox. Clearly WE who have been down this road know what it is, but it is my hope even those who haven’t will be aware…I was disheartened to see how so many did not get it, but to add salt to the wound, many as usual abusers by proxy supporting what HE was doing…

      • Thank you for posting this. Video had me shaking when I viewed it yesterday and the comments on Youtube had me shaking when I read them this morning. It is disturbing how ignorance aids the narc. More disturbing to SEE the enjoyment of making someone breakdown. This site gives me some hope. Peace to all. And thank you for a safe community here.

      • Cin,
        Welcome and thank you for taking the time to leave a response. I agree the comments on You Tube are so misinformed and disturbing but it is concrete evidence of how much further we have to go in order to shine a light on this type of abuse. The general population has an ‘image’ of what domestic violence is and very narrow parameters. This works against us as victims and/or survivors as this type of abuse if not addressed adequately can have lifelong traumatic consequences. Many of us who blog and provide communities for support do so because we understand how limited resources are; however, the greater goal I’d say if I had a lil Santa’s list would be to raise awareness…publicize articles which members feel are informative not with the goal of promoting any particular person, but rather the information because that is the only way word will get out. Social media has a lot of power but it is important that we, especially as survivors use it to our advantage so that one day perhaps this will be understood and there will be access to competent mental health services. Given the fact that so many of us suffer from Trauma on some level after coming out of this type of situation, it is imperative that we all work together and spread the word OUTSIDE of our circles to the general public if only because that is the only way we will piq the interests of those who have the power, the authority and the funding to provide programs which will better educate our mental health providers and DV specialists. Suicide is a very real risk for those of us who have suffered psychological abuse and sadly we are the ones who end up MIS diagnosed…they completely miss the trauma and label us with some type of mood disorder which I believe is probably part of the equation but the TRAUMA is what is most dangerous because of the triggers and the distress it puts us under – it is further exacerbated when oftentimes, the trauma is not even acknowledged…many victims are not lucky enough to even ‘happen’ upon a support forum or the WORDS NPD abuse…they can’t even articulate what’s wrong…Thank you so much for dropping by Cin. I wish you a successful and permanent recovery…be blessed.

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