Standing over the sink this morning I had a revelation. This NPD abuse shit is not that hard to recover from…we make it hard for ourselves. What we need to own is the secret…then we can begin the reconstruction process. Having dealt with this for almost two years now and really studying this and working damn hard I think I figured out…THE SECRET. I am going to make it simple for you, you can read it or not read it.
When we are raised in environments where it is molded into our minds it is our job to be the caretaker – that is what one perceives as their ‘normal.’ Many of us through denial want to separate the issues family is off limits…or we actually convince ourselves our childhoods weren’t so bad. FIRST you have to understand the dynamics of abuse. Abuse is not just getting the shit kicked out of you…yes you could have fallen victim to manipulative parents who made sure you were fed, had shelter, and all the ‘trappings’ of what a ‘normal’ childhood would entail, but there would also be a price to pay for that. You didn’t just deserve it, you owed something for it and the fact that you didn’t ask to be here is not part of the equation. You were born into slavery you just didn’t have a name for it.
Abusers will deny this reality. They will deny anything, they will rewrite history, rewrite the scripts, paint an entirely different canvas and this will leave you scratching your head wondering if you’re crazy…you’re not. How you handle this is all on you. What the NPD experience does is bring all this shit to light…THE SECRET…
Narcissists are self-centered individuals. They lack empathy and remorse and believe they are entitled to the best of treatment whether they deserve it, or earned it…when you’ve been trained to accept crumbs, getting entangled with these creatures seems normal.
I will share with you – yes, I have communicated BRIEFLY with the Narc. As a result of that conversation, he said something that had more truth than anything that has ever come out of his mouth: “I would say more but you’d bite my head off.” That was the truth. The Narc was the catalyst for change. I don’t like that this experience had to happen, I don’t like that people exist with a self centeredness and lack of empathy to this degree, I don’t like that I was used, manipulated or conned – but since day one I was set up to fall into this kind of trap.
Now that I know the secret, I can change this, I am no longer powerless unless I choose to be. The focus does not need to be on the Narc, it needs to be on me. I can wish him well…because I’ve released him. The work and the healing can only begin with me. AND so, I say to any victim, don’t continue to abuse yourself by living in denial. Don’t get caught up in the ‘histrionics’ of this experience…if you allow it your mind CAN and WILL take you there.
Take the time you need to feel angry, to feel your pain, to feel your despair then get your ass off the pity pot and start digging…you will see the light much sooner than you anticipate if you trust in this secret I just shared with you…
As per the following…whatever you want to call it…”Releasing” “Letting Go” “Indifference”…relinquishing control, and savoring your freedom…that’s forgiveness, and it’s for the self – between YOU and whatever guides your universe. It’s got NOTHING to do with anyone else…