I’m Mad at You

I was Baptized, ‘Communionized’, and ‘Confirmed’ but never ‘Married’ Catholic.  I attended Catholic School all the way up to and including college; however, Catholicism never really ‘spoke’ to me.   Sure, in High School, a rather ambitious administration decided that ninth grade curriculum would include reading the Bible cover to cover but I was always the one in the class raising my hand asking “WHY?” a question that wasn’t too popular but one I felt was warranted.

My upbringing at home was none too spiritual but I know I always believed in God although a clear picture of that deity has yet to materialize but I do believe it is unconditional love…

I don’t seek to proselytize, minimize, discount or discredit anyone’s beliefs – in fact I believe it is in being open to the many views and beliefs that one is led to the answer that is right for them.  Without honest exploration, how can anyone truly know?  We are taught that FAITH is the answer but I believe it is in the questioning and challenging that we arrive at the final answer and for each individual it will be different.

What I do know is that I have had a number of personal experiences that have tested my faith, and yes, I have been “MAD at HIM” and with each cry for mercy, and with each argument I had, at the end, an answer, a truth, and a comfort was provided.  I have had miracles happen…some inexplicable to my human mind, some I’ve tried to rationalize but by choice have elected to believe.  What I know at this point is that I cannot deny something outside of myself exists and it serves as a protector and guide and has NEVER failed me.

MAN in his inability to explain that which has not been proven constantly strives to ‘claim’ he has the answers…NO MAN has the answers…the answer comes through the unique set of circumstances each of us experience…it is how many of us arrive at our own conclusions and ‘believe’.

I am dismayed by the many false prophets that walk this plane…who use religion as a means to manipulate and abuse the masses…I have also learned that yes, what we often describe as “EVIL” walks this plane and I have had encounters with it – but it is not the mythological EVIL we’ve come to understand but in fact humans who due to certain neurological defects simply cannot empathize, attach or love.  There are many factors that contribute to these types of individuals and I suppose at some point I will share what I’ve learned and how spirituality has helped me heal from that kind of experience; however, this is a journey that will take many twists and turns and so I do not feel it fair to forecast what will materialize as this is a journey that is somewhat played by ear.  I would not be authentic if I were to lay claim to having a set goal or objective as this journey will unwind as I’m being led…

I think it’s important not to feel shame for ever having felt mad or WRONGED by that spirit or force we refer to as the Creator…in fact, I believe it is in those moments that it makes itself even more known and if we are open and willing to tap in…that is when it will carry us…

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s